"You have to work to get an F. You have to struggle to get an F. You have to blow the whole class off and perhaps," Professor Schneider paused for effect, "indicate your contempt along the way in order to fail. Now it is quite easy to get a D." Everyone has heard the advice for how to get an A. But how does one get an F? Perhaps this too takes equal dedication.

"For me F students don’t show up," Professor Schneider stated. Now that can be as simple as sleeping in. For which I advise not setting the alarm clock. If you find it hard to sleep this late I recommend that you take up drinking. Party late into the night and drink heavily. By morning you may not remember your name, let alone to attend biology.

"Most common mistake: not attending class. Another is not reading and not taking notes," Professor Brewer listed. Now if by some chance you find yourself in attendance there are a few things to remember. Make sure that you have not read the assigned reading. Don’t even bring the book to class. For that matter leave the pen and paper behind as you might find yourself inexplicably taking notes. Just stare into space. Better yet get some more of that much needed sleep. Whatever you do; don’t listen.

"I try to be very approachable in person and telephone or by email," Professor Brewer encouraged. Just because you have an F now doesn’t mean that it is over. You must be sure to never ask for or respond to any of the help that professors eagerly offer you.

"I always organize study session leaders and study sessions for students," Professor Brewer assured. This is another pitfall to avoid. If you show up to one, you may find yourself getting a free pre-organized review of the material. This can be damaging to your F particularly in certain classes. "Some courses are more appropriate for that (study sessions). Where you have tangible facts to memorize and skills to execute," Professor Schneider elaborated.

"It's rare that a student is simply intellectually unequipped to do the material," Professor Schneider reflected. The truth is if you haven’t shown up, read the book, taken notes, talked to the professor and attended study groups you're not trying. These are the bare requirements of effort to not fail.

"The number one advice; go and see your instructor," Professor Schneider stressed. "Get over your shame." Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. If you have a serious desire to turn it around you are going to have to face the professor whose classes you have been blowing off.

"They don’t know what to say." Professor Schneider continues, "They know that the advice would be work harder. Or work. And that is something they have already proven they are not doing." This is college; nobody said it was going to be easy. And if they did, they were lying.”

"The mistake would be not learning," Professor Brewer declared. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself why you are here. While there may be many answers to that question to learn should be among them. That’s what college is. If that’s not what you came here to do then go ahead and flunk out, because you never should have come in the first place.